There must be something better right? As a young mom I spent most of my day cleaning, changing diapers and feeding kids. Since there’s very little appreciation, it’s not surprising that so many people don’t value the job of mom. Even volunteering gets you more kudos than momming! Which lends itself to the thought, “I can’t wait to do more than this.” Do you have that thought?
Should our dreams be wrapped up in what feels good, what seems to get the most praise and attention or in God’s purpose which is relationship? No matter what your financial category from barely making it to super wealthy, having one parent stay home and JUST watch the kids is a loss of income. During our early years of parenting, Michael was an accountant, and as I listened to him talk about work I developed this sense that I was a “cost center” and not the cool part of a business that brought in the money like a salesman. This thought caused me to feel undervalued and insecure. Are you feeling that?
Doing everything I could to save money didn’t kick that thought to the curb.
I used cloth diapers back in the day when you had to fold them and use pins
Hanging the diapers on the line
Kitchen savings included washing and reusing ziplocs,
Rarely using paper towels that were hidden away from the kids,
Learning to cook from scratch including making bread,
Buying in bulk
Drinking only water unless I grew the herbs for tea
Only using a/c or heat when necessary
Yard work was all mine! Mowing, edging, planting
We had one outing day a week since we had one car most of the time. We’d get up before 6am to drop Michael off at work, go on a field trip, hit the grocery store, pick Michael up and get home around 7. Rarely did we go out to eat in those early days. Yet I still thought of myself as a cost center and not an awesome saver. Are you pressing in to your roll and getting better at it?
Early in our dating we both agreed that we loved our childhoods and having our moms at home when we were home and that was the childhood we wanted for our own children. Even with that agreement between us we didn’t know how to value the other’s work. Michael worked long hours, sometimes two jobs to support us and I was extremely sick while I was pregnant which meant our house was mostly a mess for the 8 years of having babies and nursing. Can you choose to understand the season you’re in and give yourself some grace?
Where’s my prize for doing all those things? It’s in enduring and staying the course. The prize is not surrendering to sleeping in, or quitting but being grateful for the place you’ve been called to. I remember someone telling me, “This isn’t your whole life, it’s just a moment of time in your life.” I find this hilarious now because I had my first kid at 23 and at 59 I have a 6 year old so that “moment of time” in my life has surely lasted a long, long time.
I can tell you for a fact that there are things that make life easier.
1-not being pregnant and tired
2-not nursing a baby constantly
3-not having anyone in diapers
4-not having to bring a stroller
5-having everyone able to read
6-when everyone is independently doing school work
7-when everyone is gone
We’ve had the awesome privilege to be almost done parenting twice now. Once when our first four kids were 15, 17, 19 and 22, I was telling Michael I didn’t know what I was going to do when everyone grew up. His solution was one we’d talked about before we got married which was adopting more kids because really, it was my favorite thing and we had the funds and space to do that. We adopted a sibling group of three kids who were 2, 3 and 10. OMG see my list above and were I went backwards from #6 to #3. It was exhausting but our older kids were so fabulous at helping out as was my mom who lived with us at the time. Fast forward 7 years and with our then youngest being 10, we received 3 little brothers who were 2, 3, and 4. Right back to #3 on the list of things that make life easier!
I have to be honest and tell you that I was exhausted that entire first year. Having little people at 53 years old was more exhausting than being pregnant or nursing. I’d go to sleep some nights at 8:30 when the boys went to bed and slept right through the night.
If you’re going to run the race for the prize of high calling you’re going to have to endure a lot. There are mostly boring, average, normal days on the agenda, year in and year out. I’ve found the fulfillment comes from pressing into the day instead of wishing the season away.
My hope is I’ve done this job of being “just a mom” with enough joy and thanksgiving that all 10 of them know how much I love them for the unique characters that they are. What gives me the greatest joy is that my children love their children.